A newly enlisted Army recruit was practicing at the rifle range.

A new recruit fired fifty rounds at the target—and didn’t hit it once.

The Drill Instructor marched over, face inches away.
“What’s your problem? Why can’t you hit the target? What were you doing before the Army?”

“I was a cable TV repairman,” the recruit said. “I don’t get it. Let me check something…”

He examined the rifle once… twice… three times. To test it, he foolishly put his finger in front of the barrel and pulled the trigger—instantly realizing that was a terrible idea.

Clutching his hand and groaning, he said, “Well, the bullets are definitely coming out this end. The problem must be on the other side!”

The Exciting Homework Assignment
A kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something exciting to share.

The first boy walked up, drew a tiny white dot on the chalkboard, and sat down.

Confused, the teacher asked, “What is that?”
“It’s a period,” he replied.

“Yes, but what’s exciting about a period?” she asked.

The boy shrugged. “I’m not sure. But this morning my sister was missing one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy!”

The Man in Pain
A man went to the doctor and said, “Doc, everywhere I touch hurts.”

“What do you mean?” the doctor asked.

The man touched his shoulder. “Ow!”
He pressed his knee. “Ow!”
He tapped his forehead. “Ow, ow!”

The doctor nodded. “I know what’s wrong—you’ve broken your finger.”

The Old Woman and the Shop
An elderly woman went into a store to buy dog food. The cashier said she needed proof she owned a dog. So the woman brought her dog in—and got the food

The next day, she came back for cat food. Again, proof was required. She returned with her cat—and got the food.

On the third day, she walked in carrying a small box.
“Put your finger inside,” she told the cashier.

The cashier did. “It feels warm and soft,” she said.

“Great,” replied the woman. “Now may I have some toilet paper?”